


the divine eat mcdonalds too

by ironspydr, UnfortunatelySux



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angel Jared, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, demon evan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 03:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14992082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironspydr/pseuds/ironspydr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelySux/pseuds/UnfortunatelySux
Summary: Request from tumblr. An angel and a demon meet and realize they might not be that different after all.





	the divine eat mcdonalds too

Jared was an Angel. He had been sent down to earth to watch over the humans, helping out those who he found in need. He was _not_ on Earth to meet bumbling demons with no self respect. Yet here he was.

As a demon, Evan wasn’t good at creating chaos. He’d run into a figure with glasses, but couldn’t handle walking on. He had to apologize. “I-I’m sorry,” he stammered. When he looked up, he saw it. “W-Wait, you’re an Angel!” He stared at the halo glowing above the man’s head and backed away. “I-I’m so sorry.”

Jared blinked. “You're a demon?”

Evan didn’t make eye contact. “Unfortunately,” he mumbled. 

Jared quirked an eyebrow. “Don't seem very demonic.”

“Well,” Evan trailed off, grimacing. His lips parted to reveal sharp teeth. “We can’t all be model citizens.”

Jared's eyes narrowed. “Aren't we supposed to fight or something?”

“I hope not?”

“This feels unorthodox.”

“Sorry, uh– I’m Evan.”

“Jared.”

Evan put on a smile. “I like your halo.”

“Nice teeth.”

“Oh, thanks!” Evan stood up a little straighter. “Sorry I ran into you. It’s kinda my job.”

“Your job is bumping into people?”

“W-Well, the boss doesn’t trust me with the big stuff, so, um, any kind of minor inconvenience? That- That’s me.”

“Huh.” Jared eyed him. “Minor inconvenience demon?”

“They made it up. Just for me. Yay…”

“How are you so bad at being a demon?”

“I can’t just _hurt_ people!”

“Are you _sure_ you're a demon?*

“Of course I am! I can see your halo, can’t I?”

“I am unconvinced.”

“Wh– Well, I’ve never seen an angel that needed glasses!” Evan countered. 

Jared scoffed. “Well that's just rude.”

“Shit, I didn’t mean for it to be.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “How did you ever become a demon, anyway?”

“Uh, birth? My dad, um, was one, so.” Evan shrugged. 

“And your mother?”

“It’s complicated. She works one of the doors to hell. You ask a lot of questions. Can I ask one?”

“Fine.”

“Uh– What’s heaven like?” Evan asked awkwardly. “Y’know, since, uh, God smites any demon that tries to get in.”

Jared paused, not expecting that question. “It's good. It's… content. Do demons often wonder about it?”

“I dunno,” Evan said. “I do. I don’t talk to a lot of demons.”

“That's.. lonely, isn't it?”

“Do you talk to other angels?”

“Sometimes.” Jared paused, then sighed. “No. And it's lonely.”

“You won’t get in trouble for talking to me, will you?” Evan asked. “We can...I dunno, h-hang out? Not be lonely?”

Jared hesitated. “This isn't some advanced demon trick, right? You're not actually super hardcore and trying to corrupt me?”

Evan blinked. “The most evil thing I did was lie, but that was months ago, and it haunts me. I don’t think I could trick someone. Are you tricking me?” He remembered stories of how angels would trap demons to get them off of Earth for good. 

“I probably should be, but I'm not. For some reason.”

“Because you’re a nice guy?” Evan asked hopefully. 

“Legally, yes.”

“Illegally?”

“We’ll see.” Jared sighed. “Wanna go get some food somewhere?”

“You eat? I eat!”

“We both eat!”

“Let’s eat!”

“Yes. What do you like to eat? There's a McDonald's around the corner?”

“Who knew angels had good taste?” Evan joked. 

Jared snorted. “Who knew demons knew how to make jokes?”

“Damn, the sass is killing me.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Are we going or not?”

Evan coughed. “Uh, yeah, sorry, lead the way, goody two shoes.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “At least I'm okay at my job.”

“Lucky. Not that I want to be good at mine, but, still.” Evan sighed. “Are you a guardian angel?”

“No. Just a generic angel. Although sometimes I help people, if they need me and I'm there.”

Evan nodded. “When I try to help someone, it turns out bad. It’s not my fault I misheard that lady’s room number. Huge fiasco.”

“Oh?”

“I sent a stripper to the wrong hotel room.”

“Oh,” Jared snorted. “Nice.”

“He was in a cake and everything.”

“Jesus. Sounds like a big mess.”

“Actually almost got me promoted.”

“What a shame.”

Evan shrugged. “Just life I guess. D-Do you have money?”

“Yep. Do you? I'll pay.”

“Uh, thanks. I lose any money I don’t steal. It’s a curse.”

“Jeez. Harsh.”

Evan nodded. “I hate it.”

“You probably shouldn't, since it's your job.”

“Humans hate their jobs.”

“Not all of them.”

“It’s still common,” Evan argued. 

“Are you common?”

“I’m not human, so I guess not.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, aren’t you full of positivity?” Evan remarked. 

“Never said I was amazing at my job, either.”

“Right. Tell me about that over nuggets.”

\------

“So, yeah, I might not be exactly 'nice’.”

“But you’re an angel.” Evan was confused. 

“And you're a demon who isn't mean. So what?”

“Wish we could switch places,” Evan muttered. 

“I feel like I'm not allowed to agree.”

“I feel like you don’t want to think about it.”

Jared nodded, shoving a fry into his mouth. “You're right.”

“I know. I wish it were that simple anyway.” Evan ripped a chicken nugget in half with his teeth. 

Jared hummed. “Is it hard having teeth like that?”

“Is it hard? No. But...Awkward..? Yeah. But you know. Everything is.”

Jared hummed. “I wonder if I could change them. Do you think we can affect each other? Like, can I give you miracles and stuff?”

“I-I dunno. Why would you want to? I could only curse you.” Evan looked down. 

Jared shrugged. “Change of pace?”

“I guess it couldn’t hurt to try,” Evan muttered. “We’re probably already breaking every rule just by talking to each other.”

Jared snorted. “I can try to give you normal human teeth, if you want?”

“C-Can’t be too bad, right? Uh, g-go ahead, try it.” Evan was feeling more anxious with every word. 

Jared closed his eyes for a second, touching Evan's hand. “Are they different?”

Evan ran his tongue across his teeth, gasping. “Holy shit, h-how– They’re _flat_!”

“It worked!”

“It’s– It’s weird.” Evan tried to eat another nugget the same way. “They’re so dull!”

“They're normal! This is how normal people's teeth feel.”

“I don’t know if I like it.”

“Give it time?” Jared munched on another fry. 

“How’d you do it anyway? Give me a miracle?” Evan had considerable trouble with his food. 

Jared laughed a bit, shrugging. “Just kinda did it, I dunno.”

“Huh. Thanks?”

“You're welcome. Maybe you can curse me, too, since that worked. Although, maybe don't do that.”

“Yeah...you wouldn’t want bad luck.” Evan looked down. He couldn’t even repay this angel for his good deed. How classic. 

Jared shrugged. “I don't mind.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jared sipped his drink. “That's unusual. For a demon. It's okay. Maybe it'll get you in with the higher ups?”

“Uh. Satan?” Evan winced. “No thanks.”

“Not a fan?”

“Of the _devil_?”

“You're a demon, yeah the devil.”

“No. I hate the guy. Total dictator. With a tail. It’s fake but he thinks it’s hilarious.”

“Hm. Maybe you really shouldn't be a demon.”

“Funny, that’s what I tell myself every night.”

Jared frowned. “You don't seem exactly… happy.”

“Why would I be?”

“Because-” Jared huffed. “You're not a bad person. Not bad people deserve to be happy.”

“I’m not a person at all, didn’t you have the opposite of this argument a couple hours ago?”

“Oh, right. Like you're actually a horrible demon?”

“I could be bad!”

“Yeah?”

“Definitely!”

“I doubt it.”

“You don’t believe me!” Evan shouted, pointing out the obvious. 

“I don't.”

“How can I change your mind?”

“Somehow I don't think you can. Because you're not able.”

“Yes I _am_! Just because I don’t want to hurt people doesn’t mean I can’t!”

“I never said you can't. I just don't think you will.”

“I–” Evan was angry. “I will too! You’ll see!”

Jared huffed. “This is dumb.”

“It– It’s dumb?” Evan deflated. He’d been getting excited. “O-Oh.”

“No, I mean the fact that you should even have to prove your capability at hurting people is dumb. Why are demons and angels forced into this kinda thing? Why can't you just be with me, what's so wrong with that?”

“I mean, I dunno. Aren’t we supposed to trust the system?” Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. “But the system sucks, huh? So what are we supposed to do? Go against our nature? I’ve tried! It’s hard.”

Jared hummed. “Maybe it's easier when you're not alone.”

“Like we can influence each other?”

“I don't see why not?”

“You did fix my teeth…”

“Exactly!”

“Look, I just don’t get this stuff. I’ve never met an angel!” Evan stuffed a french fry in his mouth. 

“I've never met such a cute demon.”

“Wh-What?”

Jared shrugged.

“Cute?!”

“I mean, yeah.”

“You know you’re talking to a demon, right?” Evan was beyond confused. 

Jared nodded. “I'm aware.”

“And?”

“And what? You're cute.”

“Is this–” Evan composed himself. “Is this a date?”

Jared paused. “Do you want it to be?”

Evan shrugged. “Maybe? You’re cute too, and– Wait, can angels be gay? Is that a sin?”

“Eh. It's fine.” Jared shrugged as well. “Like I said, I'm not a very good angel. It's okay, though. God doesn't really care about any of that stuff, honestly.”

“Seriously?”

“Well yeah. Why would he? If people's happiness comes from loving other people of the same gender, that's not hurting anyone. As long as you follow the big ten commandments then you're fine.”

Evan snorted. “We call those the ten suggestions.”

“Nice.”

“But really, it’s not a sin? In hell, it’s all ‘ergh, gay this, agh, gay that’. Kinda exhausting.”

“No way man. He really genuinely doesn't care. Love is love, dude.”

“Well,” Evan started, flabbergasted, but relieved, “that’s great for humans.”

“And angels.”

“You’re not wrong,” Evan said, smiling. “So this is a date?”

“Sure.”

“Good,” Evan mumbled. “I like that.”

Jared's lips quirked. “Me too, actually.”

“I’ve always been fascinated with angels,” Evan admitted. 

“Oh?”

“Maybe.”

“Fascinated how?”

“I-Idolization?”

“You want to be an angel?”

“Always have. Don’t tell Satan.” Evan was starting to get used to the teeth. 

Jared nodded thoughtfully. “Maybe we can work on that.”

“Huh?”

Jared waved it off. “Would you like to see each other again after this?”

“Yes!” Evan said a little too quickly. 

Jared smiled. “Here.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small crystal. “You can use this to get to me.”

“What? What is this?” Evan took it in confusion. 

“A rock, basically.” 

“O...kay. How do I use it?”

“Break a piece of it off. It 'summons’ me.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. Also my phone number is written on it.”

“Oh!” Evan saw scraggled writing on the side. “Cool!” 

“Call me?”

“Definitely! I-I guess you don’t need my number, since you can get it from caller ID,” Evan rambled. 

Jared smiled. “You're cute, Evan Hansen.”

“You know my last name?”

“I'm an angel. I just asked.”

“ _God?!_ ”

“Yeah, he likes being talked to.”

“Damn,” Evan muttered. “Wish I could do that.”

“Maybe one day, Hansen.” Jared got to his feet, stretching. “You done eating?”

“I think so, yeah. Is this it for now? Back to sending strippers to old ladies when I try to be helpful?”

“Maybe.” Jared leaned down, pressing a kiss to Evan's cheek. “I'll see you around?”

Evan's eyes sparkled with something. “I hope so. I’ll call you.”

“Good,” Jared smiled. “Bye.”

“B-Bye,” Evan stammered. 

Jared strode out of the building confidently, glancing back at Evan with a smile. Maybe this demon wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
